Darwin Usurped By Modern Medicine

It’s a boy!

And another boy… and a girl, and another boy – and a whole lot of hypocrisy.

Will someone please explain the outcry regarding mommy dearest in California? I thought we couldn’t eject enough of these little bundles of joy into the world?

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids just as much as the guy next door (okay, he is a registered sex offender), and I know the human race depends on procreation (like we don’t have a population problem already). Besides, without kids who else would pay for my social security when I get old, or visit me to swap out my fetid bed pan (like any self-respecting, Gen-Y kid would want to spend time with grand-pa these days – except to collect the annual birthday check). It’s just that I was born without this paternal desire to show the world what a proud and brilliant man I am because my sperm can produce something I can neither afford to pay for, nor am qualified to properly raise.

natural-selection1Poor Darwin. Although clearly a brilliant man, his theory of Natural Selection failed to take into account the possibility that medical science would eventually ensure the demise of his notion of “the survival of the fittest.” As if nature hadn’t already blessed the dim and the keenest of underachievers with the best reproductive systems known to man, medical science is now intervening to ensure that even our most medically mediocre citizens can assist in out-breeding the rest of us. He must be turning in his grave.

That’s ok. I can deal with the fact that some are willing to blow caution to the wind for their chance at creating the next American Idol (or even the next Jeffrey Dahmer) both of which seem to have replaced the traditional desire to have a future United States President suckling at their teats. But what’s wrong with the Chinese idea of one shot at infamy per household?

Perhaps I’m just bitter. Pro-creation has always been a sticky issue for me. I would feel more at ease talking about intercourse with barn yard animals at a PETA convention than trying to convey common sense notions of population control with the righteous, right-wing Joe The Plumbers of this world. The right to spread ones legs and spew out litters of babies seems to be the only true inalienable right which is left to us.

It’s irritating that one can hardly make it through the day without encountering rules and regulations created to protect us (and of course our precious children): I have to wear a seatbelt while driving; I can’t cut someone’s hair without a license; and I have to wash my hands by law if I so much as touch my face while slinging burgers at McDonalds. So it disturbs me greatly that as a society we breed incessantly without any regard to our collective future, or what junk we want to see roaming the streets within our short lifetimes. No school classes, no drug screening, no minimum credit score, no proof of mental stability (or even income – even employment). No pre-requisite whatever. Just plug and play.nadya

Enter Nadya “donations-please” Suleman. It’s not clear why anyone would actually desire eight screaming brats (particularly if she has six already); but then again she doesn’t deserve death threats either. Of course, had this taken place within the context of a married “Christian” relationship, such details could have been happily overlooked in the midst of such a “miracle” birth, and the local church would have started a Pampers drive the moment her blessed water had broken. However the local church denies any such interest.

For whatever reason – maybe because she struggled with mental illness before her octuplet pregnancy and wanted two million for her story, or maybe because she chose to be a single mother and is on food stamps, or perhaps because three of her first six children receive disability payments and she didn’t tell her mother (with whom she lives) about the $167,000 in disability payments she herself received, or maybe even just because she’s not white enough – or has rather odd-looking lips, Nadya Suleman has sparked a chorus of disapproval within the ranks of the otherwise caring “family” classes. Folk who are normally so pro-life that even the disposal of soggy, post-pleasure Kleenex tissues would be considered tantamount to abortion are now willing to chase down the doctor involved for allowing this birthing bonanza to happen. All of this disguised by a “genuine” concern for the well-being of the children, of course.

 

So here’s my dilemma: While this Amazing Human Incubator makes my point for some form of Federal birth-control better than I ever could, the hypocritical, every-sperm-is-sacred, religious right, who are most in need of having their tubes tied, appear to be complaining the loudest.

I’m torn. I just can’t decide who should face the firing squad first.

If only I had children of my own to debate this with.

  1. So who’s going to decide who’s worthy to have kids? I guess like everything else in life it comes down to money: Heavy traffic conjestion ? Create fast toll roads. Long lines at the airport? Priority lines (for a price). Want to life in the United States ? Not easy if you’re a hard working laborer, but invest a million for an EB5 visa – and you’re in (not a bad price).
    So what’s the price to have babies? If you’re Angelina Jolie (14 kids and counting), we’re not too concerned about her abilities to raise children (I am not a psychologist, but she seems not that stable to me) but with all that money she has, the kids are going to be just fine and appear pretty lucky to most.
    Population control is a slippery slope, the rich are just too keen to take. I see some of your points, but am not sure its thought through all the way.

  2. Eins hasser 02/17/2009, 14:23

    You’re just full of yourself.

  3. The reality is that children are expensive. If you don’t have money you cannot meet your kids’ needs. I think kids deserve so much more than whatever handouts society can give them. Of course the economy could be more fair etc. Unfortunately it is the kids who pay the price. When you are born into poverty, or your parent is emotionally unstable or significantly uneducated you will have to swim upstream throughout your childhood to make up for it. That is really what is unfair. It is funny that Elns talks about air travel because I totally agree that air travel sucks! Imagine having to spend your whole childhood traveling coach class because your parent was lonely and broke and shameless (or impaired in whatever way).

  4. Let’s see… Agree with Nulli, agree with Eins, agree with F.V. and I will probably agree with a lot of posts to follow. That’s exactly why this topic is so frustrating to discuss. Even the most inbred hilly-Billy should agree with the fact that every kid deserves the best possible start in life. Unfortunately a secure financial background will always trump over any poverty ridden family. A mother and father are probably more stable than a single parent. Having an abusive father with a long criminal record is probably not the best start for any young adult. Hell, the list goes on and on. How do we as a society decide who deserves to have a child, or what a child deserves as a parent? It seems the answer is just too troubling for most of us, and that is exactly why very few of us are willing to discuss this.

  5. The fact that the disorganized mess that is murrca didnt plan for people with a plan is not my problem or the problem of people with a plan. Nadya the annoying cow had a plan and that involved generating publicity and income from the moral outrage.

    Lets help the breeder queen a little!

    All the single ladies
    And their fourteen babies
    All the single ladies
    And their fourteen babies
    All the single ladies
    And their fourteen babies
    All the single ladies
    Now cough the check up
    Up in my crotch I got knocked up
    I am growing my own little thing
    So easy to score till I no longer feel sore
    Cuz theres always a bum who doesn’t care
    Good enough with my hand I will massage your gland
    Make you knock me up while you sleep
    Reason enough is I felt alone as a child
    Ya can’t be mad at me

    [Chorus]
    Cuz if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pup for me
    if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pony for me
    don’t be mad if I get a pile of welfare for it
    Cuz if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pup for me

    wo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh oh x2

    [Chorus]
    Cuz if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pup for me
    if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pony for me
    don’t be mad if I get a pile of welfare for it
    Cuz if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pup for me

    Scrape the cum of my tits , collect every bit
    And bottle it safely away
    When I feel the weight I raid the fridge
    I could care less what you think
    I need no permission, to litter the nation
    Poop out a future welfare generation
    Its not me who pays the bill
    Because sponsor me you will
    I got taxpayer funded collagen lips

    (Chorus)

    Cuz if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pup for me
    if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pony for me
    don’t be mad if I get a pile of welfare for it
    Cuz if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pup for me

    woo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ohx2

    There’s no law that says I can’t breed as I do
    Nothing stops the diggers too
    The hormonal craze is what I crave
    A baby that totally loves me, until it’s a toddler
    And when it starts walking then I’ll dump it with mom
    For a brief few months
    The thing is totally in love
    Then the freshness wears off
    It’ll time to make a new one

    All the single ladies
    And their fourteen babies
    All the single ladies
    And their fourteen babies
    All the single ladies
    And their fourteen babies
    All the single ladies
    Now cough the check up

    Cuz if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pup for me
    if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pony for me
    don’t be mad if I get a pile of welfare for it
    Cuz if you don’t want me to you shoulda boughta pup for me

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