Another shooting, this time Texas, yada yada. And here’s your complete step-by-step guide to how to deal with it.
• Fox News must state that now is the time to “come together” not assign blame.
• NRA must remind us that “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”
• Mayor to assert that “[insert city] is “strong” and that its people are “resilient.” Stress that the community “will not be divided.”
• City should already have pre-ordered t-shirts with the words “[insert city] Strong.”
• CNN’s Anderson Cooper must visit, look like he’s about to cry.
• Facebookers should virtue signal by changing their profile photos to include flags or emblems of the victims. Must offer “Thoughts and prayers.” Lots of those.
• Ignore silly foreigners who say that we made our trigger happy bed and must learn to lie in it without constantly complaining.
• Ask same silly foreign governments to drape our flag on their national monuments and shine red white and blue disco lights.
• At least one potential victim must go on record and claim that God saved them because he has a plan for them (demonstrating that He lacked any ideas for the dead).
• Declare that something like this must “never be allowed to happen again,” but above all, do absolutely nothing about it.
Everybody moves on.
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